2025.03.16 | Safe Keeping
Scripture: Matthew 8:1-13
Let us pray…
I received some bad news recently. Perhaps you have already heard about this, but if not, I want to talk with you about it. About a month ago, I woke up to find out that I no longer exist. At least that is now the official position of the United States government. Over the last 14 years, more than 4,000 trans & gender-diverse people were reported murdered, 65% of whom were people of color.1 And now our government wants to strip us of our hard-won victories and make us disappear. In this time of extraordinary assaults on non-binary people, we need our allies to stand with us in our fight for human rights.
I was born with an intersex condition, raised in one gender & then transitioned to living in another gender. For a more than a quarter of a century, I have openly self-identified as a “Two Spirit” person. Now if you don’t know, Two Spirit is a term that the indigenous people of North America used to refer to the kind of human beings that exhibit “non-binary gender expressions.” It might imperfectly be defined as a kind of Gender Queer identity. Two Spirit is also used as a kind of umbrella term for individuals on the continuum of gender expressions. Such people have been part of the human family throughout time & across cultures. For example, there were:
TheMahuofPolynesia,theHijraofIndia,thefemminielliofItaly, the Mukhannathun of Arabia, 2-Spirits & Shawmans of the Americas, etc2
TodayintheUSweusethetermsIntersexandTransgender.
Butinthemiddleeast&throughouttheRomanempire,they
were known as eunuchs. And they are present in our biblical texts.
As long as human beings have existed, there have been non- binary people. Even the Talmud understood there to be up to 8 different gender expressions all made in the image of God. But there have been many attempts to hide us, erase us from history, pathologize us, and/or redefine what we are. But still, we persist!
Now the republicans and the US government have decided that they can deny us our humanity, strip us of our rights and make us disappear like they tried to do to my First Nation ancestors. But we have seen those tricks before. They are straight out of the whitesupremacist playbook. So #47 can sign his little “executive order,” wave it at the cameras like he’s throwing chum to his hateful supporters, but he cannot make us disappear. We will not be silent and we will fight him every step of the way.
Of course, there was a time in my life where that hatred lived inside me. During my childhood I had been convinced that I was an abomination, that this thing that I could not change about myself was a scarlet letter that I could not escape and would damn me to hell for all eternity. I believed it so deeply, that I lived with a virtual black cloud over my life, I was perpetually depressed and often suicidal. As the song says, I was a sin sick soul and utterly miserable. I used to beg God to change me.
But then one day, when I was at the end of my rope and thought that my like was over - I changed my prayer. I fell on my knees weeping and said “Lord, you know I have been fighting this my whole life and I have begged you to make me different. But Lord, if this is how I am supposed to be, then I need you to lead the way. I will trust in you to see me through.” Like the Centurion in the scripture that we just heard, I was desperate and felt unworthy but was confident that Jesus alone could help me. And as I finally brought my whole being to God's altar, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit surround and comfort me. My healing began in that hour. Jesus came and lifted me out of the pit of hell, brought me back to life and used my faith to heal me.
Now some of our adversaries would take issue with my using the term “healed” in this way. To heal means to “restore health, soundness or wholeness.” But healing is not always a resumption of a previous state of being. Contrary to popular belief, it does not require a return to how things were before. Sometimes healing requires change, requires transformation, a letting go of something to achieve a particular end, to move from one state to another. Are you with me?
When I was serving as a chaplain a few years back, I worked with a particular patient for many months who had come into the hospital for an elective surgery expecting to be in and out of the hospital in a matter of days. But something had gone wrong and she wound up in the hospital for the better part of a year. She had gotten an infection which led to developing gangrene in both of her feet. She and her doctors fought to save her feet, but after months of treatment they made no significant progress. The doctors recommended amputation, but she could not imagine living such a life. So, she insisted on pursuing every treatment and exhausting every possible cure and the months dragged on. Finally, she was done fighting. She surrendered to the procedure. Many months later, I ran into her one day when she came into Kaiser for a follow up appointment. So I asked how she was doing and was surprised to find her demeanor remarkably bright and engaging. She said that while she’d wished she’d been able avoid the amputations, she was healing and finding her way in this new life. Mostly, she was extremely happy to be back home and grateful for the loving support of her family and friends. Her healing had required a letting go of what had been so that she could embrace what could be.
In reflecting on it later, I realized that I had done the same. In my old life, I was a broken-spirited wretch on the brink of self-destruction. But as miserable as I was, I was afraid to move forward. My healing required letting go. I could not have imagined the profound ways in which Jesus would open up my heart, transform my life, give me peace, joy and forgiveness. Ironically, my gender transition also became a pilgrimage into my faith.
So, no matter what the MAGA faithful might say, I am here and I exist. What’s more, I declare that I have been healed on this journey, that I have become my true and whole self, living openly and honestly. Despite any setback or challenge, I would never go back to the way things used to be, because I have the peace of the living God in my heart. As I shared with you last time, I have looked into the eyes of my savior and been held in His arms. I know that I am loved and forever in His SAFE KEEPING. Even when life becomes challenging and stressful and my rational mind cannot find a resolution, I feel the presence ofthe Spirit and I hear Her say "I am with you and I will keep you". Yes, when my heart is overwhelmed, take me to the rock of ages because I know that God's grace and love will see me through.
Since we are in Lent, I would like to share another story with you. It is a tale of brokenness and healing, of how God again used the very thing that was supposed to destroy someone and turned it around to bring people into relationship and set them free.
It is my own dramatized account of a true story that I heard told by the central character. The names have been changed to protect the people involved.
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A sharp knock at the door. “You’re on in 10 minutes, darlin.” It was Loretta, smiling of course. I force myself to smile back at her, but it feels thin and strained at best. After all, she was the one that got me into this mess in the first place! Oh, this was all such a bad idea! Why couldn’t I have just found a way to gracefully decline her invitation to sing last year? Then I wouldn’t be here right now - about to enter the lion’s den! That was the night all of this began, the night that stirred up all my hope. It had been hard enough to even go into that church, but if I’d known Loretta was going to pull me up on stage that night, I never would’ve gone near the place.
And yet, it wasn’t a bad experience. In fact, it had been so good that it changed everything! It had led me back into ministry – and I certainly NEVER thought anything could do that! (Sigh.) God really does work in mysterious ways.
Heck it wasn’t too long before that when my mail had been chalk full of death threats and envelopes stuffed with copies of my songs which had been ripped from hymnals, desecrated with obscenities and sealed with vows of violence. And that little campaign had been led by the very people I had once called friends! They had been my partners in ministry. We had traveled the world together. I even helped raise their kids! Now they treat me worse than dirt.
“Stop. Just...stop.”
Loretta had been the only one that had not shut me out. She had remained the same sweet and caring person I had always known her to be. She had even come by and brought me food during the worst of it, when I was trying to disappear from the world and had shut myself up in Momma’s old house. It just hurt way too much then and I didn’t know what to believe anymore. I mean, who could I trust?! But Loretta always managed to make me smile and even feel a little hopeful again. That was why I couldn’t miss her big event that night, why I hadn’t been able to decline her invitation to sing.
Oh and it had been glorious to sing again, to see the people in that audience sway with the music and start singing along; to see their hands go up in the air and tears rolling down those cheeks. God moved through the room that night despite what people had said about my worthiness, despite my crumpled self-esteem, despite my fear. I felt the Holy Spirit move through me, through those people and I thought I caught a glimpse of God smiling in the light.
And then the hunger came. It came like a long, slow earthquake. It just welled up out of the depths of my being. It howled like the stomach of someone lost in a desert after being given a mere handful of water. I knew that the betrayal of those people had dealt me a spiritual blow, but I had not realized how vacant was my soul until that moment singing in Loretta’s church. It cried out for more and I ached to be close to my Maker again. I was desperate for God.
That was why I began picking around on Mom’s old piano and letting my fingers rediscover the songs and Hymns that used to feed me. I started singing those soaring melodies to God again, pouring out my heart in a kind of wobbling, private devotional...singing strong at times and sometimes just crying or wailing uncontrollably. I felt truly wretched at the beginning, but it began to heal me in ways I could not imagine.
Then one day, I thought I should play one of my own songs again. After I survived playing the first one, I played another and then another. Finally, I worked up my courage to play THE SONG - the one they had ripped from the hymnals. As I began to sing, my own words, from my own song...ministered to me:
And Jesus said, "Come to the water, stand by My side,
I know you are thirsty, you won't be denied;
I felt ev'ry teardrop when in darkness you cried,
And I strove to remind you that for those tears I died."
I began playing it over and over and it became like an unfolding revelation. I began to hear that small voice again, urging me to tell people about God’s love and forgiveness. I was still singing it the afternoon Loretta came by to drop off that cake. She had been SO glad to hear me singing my song again. I am sure that was what gave her the idea of pulling me up on stage later that month.
Neither of us could have imagined what happened next. Calls began to pour in with invitations to go out and sing again. But these people wanted me because I am gay!! A whole new music ministry sprang up out of the ashes of my heartache. The very song that the others had refused, had ripped from their hymnals, became the cornerstone of this new ministry! For more than a year now I have been traveling and meeting the kindest, most open-hearted Christians I have ever known. That had been easy. But this...this is terrifying!
I am about to walk out on a stage in front of the very people who tried so hard to break me. I have been off of their radar, but tonight is going to change that! They are all going to see me. What was I thinking?! Am I ready for all the hate mail again? Am I ready for the personal attacks? What if they start trying to carry out the violence they threatened? Am I really going to put myself in harm’s way? Look! My hands are shaking. This was a bad idea. I’m beginning to feel nauseous.
(Knock knock) “Five minutes,” said a voice outside the door. Breathe. Drink some water. “It’s definitely time to pray.” (Assume a prayer position.)
Precious Lord, I had lost my voice but you restored it to me. No...You gave me a new voice. You breathed new meaning into the words of my song. You created a new message within those words, a message that is helping people who have been rejected by Your church. I have seen you moving and healing them just like before. And I know you have led me here, Lord, to this place. But still I am afraid. So I come to you like Jesus did in the Garden. I want to plead with you to take this cup from my hands, to give it to someone stronger, someone who they will listen to or at least someone they don’t already hate. Yes, I know...the message is not for them. But it seems to me it should be! They are hurting people. They hurt people!
(Sigh.) They hurt me. You blessed me with words that reflect your grace; with songs that have changed lives and led so many back to you. But these people sought to destroy them...and me! There are people here, TO-NIGHT, who swore they would kill me if I ever dared sing again. I am scared, Lord. No, I am terrified. I want to be able to say “Your will, not mine, be done.” But how can I even sing when I am all wound up like this with my voice quavering?! They will see my fear! So I am calling on you dear God, just as Daniel did before he faced the lions, like David before he faced Goliath. Please cover me and give me what I need! They are not the only ones who are out there!
And then like a flash of white-hot lightning, I remember! I remember Esther. It cuts through my thoughts like a knife. I hear it like a voice speaking to me, “Perhaps you came to your position for just such a time as this?”
It resounds in my mind. It washes over me like a tidal wave. And then...there is stillness, there is peace. “The Lord is my light and my Salvation; whom shall I fear?”
(Exhale.) I will do as you ask, Lord. I will answer the call. And I will sing to you, Lord. Completely focused on you, just as if I were at home.
KNOCK KNOCK. Loretta pokes her head in the door. “Its time, love!”
I nod back at her, pick up my guitar and follow her out under the lights. I surrender to your plan Lord. I surrender to your Love. (The End)
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And she went on to inspire many queer folks across the country. She gained a huge following and brought many folks back to their faith. She became a Queer Evangelist that healing many bible burns.
I attended one of those events where I heard her tell this story. Though we never met, hearing her speak changed my life. It helped convince me to start the music ministry I felt God was calling me into and launch an all transgender gospel choir. That choir also touched the hearts of many and changed people’s lives. They even made a film about us. And 4 years later when that choir won the Out Music Awards’ Album of the year (aka the “gay grammies”), SHE was the very person who presented the award to me. Isn’t God marvelous?!
I vow that I will continue to be a witness to the unconditional love of Jesus, to share the good news with everyone but especially my gender non- conforming and non-binary siblings. They need to hear that they too are holy vessels made in God’s image, that they are cherished and loved and that God desires to be in relationship with all of us, regardless of age, race, gender expression, sexual orientation, or creed.
In fact, if we take Genesis seriously, we must conclude that our Creator loves the richly textured, colorful, complex & diverse universe that God created. We are each wonderfully and powerfully made, unique and beautiful flowers in God’s great cosmic garden, united thru the blessed assurance of baptism, and creatures of the new creation. Christ has set us free! So “stand firm, therefore, & do not submit again to a yoke of slavery,” (Gal.5:1). Endeavor to challenge, repair or dismantle the interconnecting social systems built around domination, oppression, submission, & violence. All of us must bear witness with “the love that calls for justice,”3 & extend the radical table fellowship of Jesus outward into patterns of mutuality & solidarity. Only then will we truly live into God’s shalom, safe keeping and abundance for all.
Amen.
1 Transrespect.org, “TMM Resources, TDoV 2017•Update, TvT TMM TDoV 2017 Press Release,” available from http://transrespect.org/en/trans-murder-monitoring/tmm-resources/ Internet; accessed 03/15/2025.
2 Drawn from Transgender Warriors, Leslie Fienberg and Evolution’s Rainbow, Joan Roughgarden among others.
3 ELCA.org, “Publically Engaged Church, Church in Society,” available from http://download.elca.org/ELCA%20Resource%20Repository/Church_SocietySS.pdf?_ga=1.177280229.1 991439218.1463637188. Internet; accessed 5/22/2016.