2024.04.07 | Here's My Heart
“Here’s My Heart”
The Rev. Dr. Arlene K. Nehring, Senior Minister & Executive Director
Eden United Church of Christ, Hayward, California
Second Sunday of Easter, April 7, 2024
We are fortunate that Denise Cuevas and Javier Orea and their families have joined us for worship and fellowship today, so that we can share in their joy, offer our prayers for God’s blessing on their life together, and congratulate them in person on this happy occasion.
Javier and Denise were married in a small family wedding ceremony at a winery to the north of us about two and one-half weeks ago. Stephanie and I were pleased to make the guest list, and I was honored to preside over their vows.
As I said to Denise and Javier during their wedding, “It’s not every couple who’s had the same boss much less asked the boss to marry them.” People have choices. I don’t take theirs for granted.
It was a blessing to be part of their wedding ceremony and wedding reception. I’ve attended quite a few weddings over the years. There are many similarities, but no two are the same. One of the nuances for me about the Orea’s wedding was watching them play a game to test their knowledge of each other.
The bride and groom were instructed to take off their shoes, sit back to back and hold one shoe of their own in one hand, and one of their partner’s shoes in the other. Javier’s favorite sister Andrea served as quiz master. The point of the game, ostensibly, was to see whether they knew each well enough to be getting married. Fortunately they passed. In fact, they both nearly got 100% of the questions correct. They better. They were high school sweethearts.
II
The couple’s game that Andrea cooked up for Javier and Denise to show off their knowledge of each other and their fitness for marriage reminded me of a pop culture concept called “love language” outlined in a book written and published by a Baptist minister named Gary Chapman in the early 1990s. Chapman’s book was titled The Five Love Languages: The secret to Love that Last.
Chapman’s book was based on anecdotal evidence that he gathered from decades of serving as a couples counselor. According to Chapman, there are five love languages in romantic relationships:
Words of affirmation
Acts of service
Receiving gifts
Quality time
Physical touch
There are five languages, but several different interpretations. (Sounds like the Bible to me, and makes me think of the infamous line from the 1960s sitcom, Lost in Space, in which a robot named, “Robot,” cried out “Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!” every time there was a threat to the child was supervising.)
Now back to Chapman. Counselor Chapman goes on in his book to explain that what looks like, sounds like, and feels like love to one person in a partnership may not be the equivalent for another.
For example, one person might feel that the gift of an expensive piece of jewelry was the best expression of love, while another’s love language is best expressed through the gift of a handmade quilt.
Another love language defined by Chapman is quality time. Here’s a random example:. For one person, quality time might be expressed as sitting side by side cheering for the University of Iowa Women’s team that’s playing in the NCAA finals against South Carolina at 12 noon today. Meanwhile, their partner’s love language might define quality time as lingering over a gourmet meal while planning a trip to Paris.
Various couples and family therapists have challenged Chapman’s theory about love languages. For starters, he’s not professionally trained or credentialed as a couples and family therapist. He’s an anthropologist and educator.
Others who are trained, credentialed and experienced researchers and therapists suggest that there are more than 5 love languages and they use examples that are more expansive, and reflective of more than the hetero-dominant culture.
I tend to agree with Chapman’s critics, but I do respect his naming of the concept of “love language,” because it is a helpful reminder that we are not all cut from the same cloth. We can love people who are different from us. And, as we can grow in our knowledge and love of our partner by learning more about their love language and learning to speak it more fluently.
Perhaps you agree. And, if you agree, this concept of love languages gives us hope that we could define, learn, practice, and become more loving partners. Furthermore, I think that this concept of love language can be extrapolated far beyond romantic relationships.
I think it can apply to other familia relations, to friends, and colleagues, and maybe even relationships between different political and cultural groups. As a further example, today’s Easter story illustrates how John understood Jesus’ love language.
III
In John’s Easter story, the resurrected Christ repeatedly asks Peter and the other disciples: “Do you love me?”
They repeatedly respond, “Yes.” To which Jesus says, “Feed my sheep.”
Why does Jesus keep repeating himself? Is he hard of hearing? Does he have a weak ego and need reassurance? Or is there something more going on?
I think there’s something more.
I think that Jesus repeatedly asks, “Do you love me?” to prod the disciples--particularly Peter--to think harder, dig deeper, and ponder further whether they REALLY loved him. Afterall, Peter denied Jesus three times last Thursday.
So Jesus is right to question Peter, and Peter doesn’t blame him. Lesser people would have gone back to their old day jobs.
But here’s the kicker--Peter doesn’t cower this time. He doesn’t flip. Instead, he steps up, and gives his heart to Jesus--100%--and assents to feed God's sheep in body and soul.
And that’s what we’re about here at Eden Church. We are about giving our hearts to God--100%--and feeding God’s people in body and soul, through the worship and spiritual life of the church, and our community ministries such as Comida para Cherryland.
I am frequently asked as the pastor of this church, “How long are you going to keep the food pantry open?” You’ve been running that for a long time.
My answer is always the same: until we have meaningful immigration reform or Jesus comes again--whichever is first.
Thanks to the involvement of the Orea family and the dedication and contribution of our members and friends who regularly share their time, talent, and treasurer, this is possible. Thanks be to God. Amen.