2024.03.17 | Teach Me
“Teach Me”
Rev. Brenda Loreman
Designated Term Associate Minister
Eden United Church of Christ, Hayward, California
Fifth Sunday of Lent,
March 17, 2024
Matthew 18:15-22
If the North American Christian Church ever goes extinct—and I’m not saying it will, but just bear with me for a moment—it won’t be because of the rise of secularization or falling birthrates, or any of the other reasons scholars offer for its demise. No. If the church dies, it will be because of coffee creamer. (1) The Reverend Erica MacCreaigh, a Presbyterian minister from Iowa, tells the story of the bitterest dispute she ever witnessed, which began over coffee and which might be apocryphal, but is certainly familiar. Reverend MacCreaigh recalls that, in a certain unnamed church, someone suggested to the pastor that the church should be buying fair-trade coffee for their after worship coffee hour and fellowship time. The pastor of this church, who was apparently too busy preaching the gospel and visiting the sick, didn’t really realize that the church had a veritable traditionalist “Coffee Mafia” in charge of coffee hour, nor did she ponder the consequences that would happen if someone went against them. The pastor thought the idea of fair-trade coffee sounded good and so she gave the change her blessing.
Without delay, a dozen pounds of fair-trade coffee arrived at the church and were placed prominently next to the Coffee Mafia’s two giant coffee urns in the fellowship hall kitchen. But, to the great disappointment of some hopeful coffee drinkers that Sunday, the Coffee Mafia refused to try out the new coffee. Later that week in the pastor’s office, the members of the Coffee Mafia complained with righteous indignation that, A) it was unfair that they had not been consulted about the change and B), the new coffee was extravagantly more expensive than the ordinary canned coffee they frugally purchased from the warehouse store. Soothing ruffled feathers, the pastor assured them that no offense had been intended by the fair-trade coffee lovers. Eager for the parties to have a Jesus-inspired teaching moment, she suggested that the group meet with those fair-trade coffee-loving “Carafe Crashers,” to work out their differences.
In her book, Freeing Jesus, Christian historian Diana Butler Bass notes that:
Although Christians called Jesus by many names, those who knew him best, mostly called him “teacher.“ Of the ninety or so times Jesus is addressed directly in the New Testament, roughly sixty refer to him as “teacher,” “Rabbi,” “great one,” or “master” (as in the British sense of “schoolmaster”). In the gospels, the preponderance of action that occurs is Jesus teaching. He teaches at the Temple, on a hillside, by a lake, in a field, by a campfire, at a dinner table, while at a wedding, and in the center of the city. He teaches individuals, his disciples, large crowds, small groups, his friends, and his foes.
The only biblical story we have of Jesus’s childhood is one in which he is teaching. When he was merely twelve, his parents took him to Jerusalem, where they promptly lost him. They searched for their son for three days, and finally found him in the Temple, “sitting among the teachers, listening to them, and asking them questions,” causing these learned ones to be “amazed at his understanding and his answers” (Luke 2:41–50).
We hear nothing else of him until more than a decade later, when his cousin John baptized him, and in the aftermath of that spiritually transforming event, Jesus walked into a local synagogue and began to teach. His words so upset his neighbors that they ran him out of town. Following this unhappy pedagogical debut, Jesus was forced into his ultimate profession as an itinerant rabbi. Jesus was a born teacher, and a born-again one, and he was still teaching on the night before he was arrested and even while being tortured by the Romans. He lived and died a teacher. (2)
Jesus was constantly teaching, but he taught very little about the church. His focus was more on “the reform and revival of temple worship and the devotional life of the Jewish people.” (3) In fact, the only place in all of the Gospels where Jesus gave any instruction about the church was here in Chapter 18 of Matthew’s Gospel. It is not insignificant—and perhaps also not surprising—that his teaching is not really about the devotional life of the community, but about conflict management.
Business management consultants say that the best techniques for problem-solving are ones that are fast, direct, and that happen at the lowest level, not from the top down. In Matthew 18, Jesus is basically saying the same thing, although he adds the instruction that problem-solving should also happen discreetly.
“If your brother or sister sins against you,” Jesus says, “go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone.” (4) “People who identify problems [Jesus suggests] should address them privately, humbly, and respectfully. He’s not just giving us a command here. He’s giving us permission, empowering us to solve problems interpersonally—[...] face-to-face.” (5)
Alas, the great Coffee Massacre, as Rev. MacCreaigh calls it, did not resolve the way Jesus intended. Rather than solve the problem through private, humble, and respectful interpersonal dialogue with the fair-trade Carafe Crashers, the Coffee Mafia hid the dozen bags of new coffee in the church basement, in the same cupboard where old china went to die. And so the following week, the pastor heard the complaints of the Carafe Crashers in her study. “Didn’t anyone come talk to you?” the pastor asked. They shook their heads. So, escalating things the way Jesus advised, the pastor suggested that the Carafe Crashers enlist the assistance of two trusted members of the congregation who also happened to like good coffee, to join them in meeting with the Coffee Mafia.
“It’s important to note here,” Rev. MacCreaigh notes, “that the first century church for which Matthew’s Gospel was written could not have fathomed a future church so spectacularly self-entitled that beverages would bring it to the brink of schism. Jesus is talking about real sin in our reading, not differences of opinion or style. Changing out the coffee is not a sin—it pains me to have to specify this—even factoring in the oversight of getting brand buy-in from all stakeholders. But self-assertion that sneaks around and undermines others flies in the face of a way of life that demands humility, forbearance, and forgiveness. That is the behavior Jesus wants his people to address quickly, discreetly, directly, and at the lowest level possible.” (6) Jesus’s teaching here doesn’t mean that if two or three share an opinion, they can ignore everyone else and do whatever they want.
It’s almost needless to say, but the fair-trade Carafe Crashers and their advocates did not talk with the traditionalist Coffee Mafia. Instead, after opening every closet and storage area on the church campus, they eventually unearthed the buried coffee and liberated it from the depths of the basement. In an escalating offensive maneuver, the Carafe Crashers emptied the old coffee containers and filled them with the new coffee. The Coffee Mafia was not fooled– and was definitely focused on retribution. When the next Sunday came, the sorry excuse for coffee that poured from the urns was barely drinkable, no matter how much cream or sugar was added. Two days later the disputants came before the church council.
In an impressive judgment worthy of King Solomon, the council proposed a baby-splitting compromise: blend the standard sturdy grind with the fair-trade grind. Oh, the wailing and gnashing of teeth! “The Coffee Mafia wailed that the expense of the new coffee remained unjustifiable, and the Carafe Crashers moaned that the piquant rainforest flavors of the new coffee would be irretrievably compromised.” (7)
With such intractable parties, we might be tempted to oust them from the community altogether. After all, Jesus tells his followers to let the unrepentant be to them as “a gentile and a tax collector.” But we should remember that Jesus has a known association with tax collectors—he even calls one of them to be his disciple in the Gospel of Matthew. And he ministered many times to the gentiles. A better way of thinking of this part of the text may be that those who stray from the values of the community are never beyond reconciliation and forgiveness. “Jesus didn’t advocate punishing or putting people out of the church. His stance was unerringly patient, interpersonal, and breathtakingly kind.” (8).
When Peter comes to Jesus with his question about how many times he should forgive someone, giving a number he must think is generous, Jesus responds by saying that he must forgive not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Some translations interpret this as an even larger number, seventy times seven. In other words, it’s not something you can count on your two hands. The correct number of times is an infinite number– one only God can fathom. While true injustice and injury must be addressed—not just ignored or passively endured—forgiveness is transformative.
Gritting their teeth, the Coffee Mafia and Carafe Crashers submitted to the church council's will. The grounds were mixed, calm was restored to coffee hour, and the great Coffee Massacre drew to a close. A month later, an unidentified party swapped soy-based coffee creamer for the half-and-half. As Jesus teaches us, not seven times, but seventy times seven. Wherever two or three are gathered in Jesus’s name, there he is among them. And it’s a good thing, too—because we need him to referee. Amen.
Notes:
(1) Erica MacCreaigh, “In the Lectionary” Column for September 10, 2023. The Christian Century, Vol 140, No 9, September 2023, p. 25. The story told here is a paraphrase from this source.
(2) Diana Butler Bass, Freeing Jesus: Rediscovering Jesus as Friend, Teacher, Savior, Lord, Way, and Presence (New York: HarperCollins, 2021), 29-30.
(3) MacCreaigh, ibid.
(4) Matthew 18:15 (NRSVue)
(5) MacCreaigh, ibid.
(6-8) Ibid.